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Monday, May 30th 2005

4:42 PM

  • Mood:
  • weather:

Sometimes things seem so clear to me. I see things in a way, I dont think anyone else does. But the problem lyes in my mind. I think to much. I judge myself to much. I put so much pressure on myself, its starting to take its toll on me. But I am aware.

I have a long road ahead of me. There are so many things going on in our life right now, I can' t even begin to keep track. From our new life in Fort McMurray, to the jobs and all that comes with those....the engagment that I feel like has been forever in the making, to the wedding/or no wedding decision that will make everyone happy...keeping in touch with friends, giving all my things away to lighten the load back up here....all these things ride on my mind.

I am aware now thogh, I know the things that need to be done, but it seems that the hardest part is the getting the wheel in motion. How does one set in motion, something that has been dormat for so long?

With time will come the answers and the things I need most. I think in all, I am just scared to death. I am not one that likes change, my whole childhood was forever changing, nothing ever stayed still, for even a moment. From place to place, school after school.....after school. Now that I am older I just want to stay still. And I am willing to do whatevere it takes to be able to achieve this. If this means living in Alberta for a while to come, so be it.

Life flys by when your not looking at it, instead depending on the clock, and being a slave to it. I know everyone has jobs and kids and places to be, but please, as I see it so clearly now, no matter what, at least once a day, at any time, no matter what your doing, just stop. While your hanging there in suspended time, enjoy that very moment and stand still, even if its only for a second, thats what I want in life is the ability to stand still and stay put, in a place of my choice.

Heres to all of our attempt at standing still.

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